And then there was last night.
I had finished another long day in lab, and we'd unearthed really exciting information that is likely to diminish some risk that had been previously associated with my project. We're making progress, people. And even though it feels damn good, the hours upon hours that it has taken to generate these data have exhausted me. I am burned out, mentally and physically. Furthermore, remember the post "Distracted?" Yeah, a lot of that drama has not calmed down. In fact, it seems to have escalated and I'm finding myself working through a weird sense of rejection and trying to gracefully navigate my way through the rumor mill.
My typical knee-jerk reaction is to divert to a quiet, melancholy outlook, and spend a few days pouting and feeling sorry for myself. But yesterday, I came to two conclusions:
First, to my job:
Secondly, I decided to go running. Again, this was not a remarkable run. I covered a very brisk 5.5 miles in the dark, listening to my iPod on random. At first, my legs only wanted to move because they knew that doing so would get my blood flowing and keep me warm. But they kept moving after I broke a sweat - they picked up speed and each step brought with it a specific purpose of removing me further from everything that has been pissing me off or stressing me out. I was fleeing, and this didn't become apparent to me until I rounded the corner from the Seattle center back onto Mercer which put me back in the direction of my office. It all still waited for me - my lab, my email, my phone, my work, my reports, my stupid facebook account...My stride got shorter, my legs heavier, and the spring diminished from my step. The last mile dragged on and I couldn't find a single song that I wanted to hear. And though I finished with endorphins pumping through my vessels and veins, I lacked the emotional reprieve that I can usually achieve after a good run.
I suppose that's the problem with this habit - it's only temporary. You can only run so far before you wear yourself out, and when you return, everything is just as you left it. Sure, it doesn't directly solve any problems (excepting, of course, the improvement of physical fitness and perhaps aiding in weight loss), but perhaps it can lend you the resolve to handle all of it with strength and grace and patience. Or maybe it exhausts you just enough to stop caring so much.
Ugh. Sorry for the super emo posts lately! I have an exciting brunch run this weekend - stay tuned for happier (food-related!) posts :)
