Running Free

I frequent Facebook more often than is probably healthy. In fact, I think involvement in that site is probably not healthy, but that's beside the point. I posted this today:

"Running is, by far, the best therapy."

My first run after the half-marathon was a lap around Green Lake. A single 5k run. I finished feeling unsatisfied - I had just warmed up! But, my legs were still tired, and I didn't want to push myself to injury. Furthermore, I don't know if it's due to overtraining around that particular track or if I was annoyed that it was only 5pm and already really, really dark outside or perhaps I was agitated by all the traffic or maybe it's because i was feeling a little under the weather, but it wasn't a particularly enjoyable run.

I have not gotten into any sort of personal specifics on this blog, and that has been entirely by design. I learned early that, when you write about your misadventures (especially those that involve other people), you are bound to offend or upset someone. especially when you cannot monitor your audience. i've always been surprised when i find out that someone reads what I have to write.

So, hi. My name is Kristen. I am currently 27 years old, i am a scientist in real life, i have recently fallen back in love with running after a long injury-induced hiatus, i am a music geek, i have a soft spot for 1980s pop (probably due to my full enjoyment of karaoke), and i recently completed a dance class that revolved around the dances in lady gaga's music videos. i live in seattle, as i have for the last four years and i love it here. no, the rain really isn't that bad. i'm very close to my parents - they are my heroes and i aspire to positively affect as many lives as they have, and my sister is probably my favorite person in this whole universe. Oh -- and have i mentioned that my love life is a mess and generally has been for the majority of my adult life?

For as long as I've been dating (we'll say it started when I was 18), running has been the only reliable outlet for all frustrations, insecurities, excitement...everything. Bad break-up? Go running. Elated over being asked to the dance by the jock? Go running. Fall in love? Go running. Heartbroken? ...you get the picture. Even when it's not romance-related, I've come to find that I can work out all the world's problems when I'm kicking along to the beat of a song by The Cure. That half-hour or two hours seems to be the only time of my day when I can get into a good mindset and analytically approach any of my personal goings-on and determine, with resolve, a solution, or at least the first step on the path toward a solution.

I left work on Wednesday with a lot weighing on my brain. Without going into detail, I will let you in on the fact that it is, in fact, related to the current state of my dating life. And following the trend of the last 9 years, running provided some reprieve from the pain of insecurity, rejection, and frankly, loneliness. This was the first "free run" that I've done in a long time - one of those runs when you don't have to adhere to any schedule, you don't have a schedule telling you how far you should go or how quickly you should do it. I decided to tour some of my favorite running spots on this one. It brought me from Eastlake to the Seattle Center which was lovingly illuminated by Christmas lights, under the monorail on 5th avenue, up Pike through the cloud of hipster-produced smoke (*cough cough*), through Cal Anderson, and along twinkle-light-lit Broadway. It was around this time that my phone (which was acting as music substitute for my iPod due to low battery) stopped playing music and started ringing. It was my dad, calling to inform me that my sister was in the hospital after four days of illness led to a fever spike over 104F. He said that she will be fine, but thought that it wouldn't be fair to keep the information from me.

I had an entirely new fear to run from. And I ran like I was being chased. It turns out that worry and anxiety makes the pain in my hips and burning lungs disappear. I ran with an aggressive gait down 10th, crossed I-5 at Roanoake, down to Eastlake and back to the start. Crying and harried, I realized how silly it is to worry about the little things. SO what if I'm single? So what if he rejected me? So what if that asshole insinuated that I was fat? There are far more important things that deserve my time and energy.

My sister is slowly on the mend. She's feeling better, although unsure if she'll be able to leave the hospital tonight. And...my situation is still where it was before, but my endorphin fix has helped me to feel better about it. And though menial, it still serves as a great motivator to get out and run.